I have to say, thank goodness kids are not a topic that come up in my conversations often. I don’t have a dad that ends every phone conversation/email with “can’t wait to have grand kids” and if my mom were still alive, I doubt she would say that to me. My siblings all have their own (and look at how cute some of them are in the picture above… circa 1997) but don’t bug me about producing any of my own.
Thank goodness those awkward conversations don’t come up.
However, the older I get, the more a small bubble of fear builds up inside of me. What if I turn 45 and regret not having them when I was younger and able to run after them for all hours of the day. What if I’m 70 and longing for grand kids? What if I’m 82 and need someone younger than me to love me and help me make my meals each day.
How do you know what you’ll need/want 20 years from now, 30 years, 50 years? Why can’t we be given a cheat sheet when we’re old enough to understand it?
I know 100% that I do not want kids right now. I’m not patient. I don’t share well (nor do I want to). I like my stuff/rooms/space to be just a certain way and I like having time to myself most of the time. I don’t like being on someone else’s schedule and I don’t like waking up early. I just don’t think kids are right for me and vise versa.
This is not a problem most of the time. But on occasion, the small ball of fear taps me on the shoulder and say “Hey, Erin, you’ll be 32 in November… are you sure you don’t want kids? The clock is ticking.”
I don’t even want a dog, little ball of fear, why on earth would you question that?
There are a few blogs out there written by beautiful people who are living their lives kid free. Thankfully there is this outlet because when I look to my friends, I have to also look to their little ones. Hard to get advice from someone who is toting their very own designer diaper bag.
Designer diaper bags?
Yeah, I’m pretty sure kids of my own aren’t in my future.
But I will take another cat. Those are an 17 year commitment on average. I can commit to that.